In the ambush of the shield
by Emocsibe
Summary: A Winter Soldier fanfiction: Bucky and Steve standing in the rain and the ex-soldier thinking about their relationship.


**Warnings:** slightly OOC-ness, probably bad grammar (please, if you notice some big mistakes, let me know, I won't bite if you write a message. It supposed to be my first fanfiction in English.)

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_The rain drums outside, it knocks on the window and slips and drips, then dies._

What will be, if we wouldn't care about anything anymore, only each other, Steve? I know my past. I don't remember much - just blonde locks, ice blue eyes, you, prohibition, prohibition, prohibition - but I know it. I can just guess, how much I regretted the things that I didn't do in my past, when I was under there and saw the train went away. You were always at my side before the accident but I couldn't reach you; you were the forbidden fruit, from afar admired, part of the heavens. Nowadays when you are far away, I can feel you in my chest, there, in my whole being. It's hard to definite or just I have no words for it? Somewhere. Probably. Is this what they called heart? Or soul? What weird it is... But I think I start to understand a few thing.

_The lightning crashes outside, slaps to the ground and cracks and shakes, then dies._

What will be, if you wouldn't let me go anymore, Steve? I want my future. I don't know concrete things - just you will be there for me to feel your hands in my hair (Hey, Bucky is it everything alright?) to feel your glance on me (No, you can't do it that way, let me help you...) to feel the heat of your body besides mine (Good night, Bucky, I'll stay with you.) - but I stick to it. I just guess what can I do now or later on. You are almost besides me but I'm afraid to reach you completely; what if you disappear or the winter comes again and I forget you? It isn't mortal fear. I don't know that thing. It's something deeper, it hurts and tears and stresses my throat; it is the pain of the world in my shoulders. I dread for you. Just for you. I think I start to fear a few thing.

_The thunder rumblings outside, its anger is the beat of kettledrums, the report of cymbals, then nothing._

What will be, if my hands would rest in yours forever, Steve? I love you. I don't know how - why hurt my stomach when I don't know where you are (Do you like melons, Bucky? I just bought it in the market!), why cries my heart for revenge if somebody bruises you, if I bruise you (Come on Bucky, it was an accident, it's nothing!), why I must smile when you smile (It's beautiful, Bucky. Your smile is beautiful)? - but I just want to love you with all of my breaths. Why do I love you at all, when I don't know how to do so? But you will teach me, won't you? Just like everything since we found each other, since you raise me, since you want to make me human again. Teach me, please! Let me learn how to love you. You are right besides me and I make a grab at you because you're needed, because I want you, because... I run out of words. You remain here. My reason to love you is yourself. I think I start to want a few thing.

_Raindrops climb from the leaves outside, their shining is crystalline and breakable and the past storm shakily breathes a slip of the air, then gives back everything._

What will be, if now would be forever, Steve? I hold you in my arms and you do the same with me. I don't want to let you go - I feel your hand upon mine (it shakes and presses on the cold metal) i feel your lips towards mines (their kiss is gently) I feel your hair in my still sensible right hand (gold and silk) - and there is no need to do that. You raise your shield from above us to in front of our faces and you kiss me first in the ambush of that. It might be the umpteenth lesson because I feel that I love you so much, I feel that I can love you. Just my legs... Just my legs wouldn't shake. Please, hold me here, in the ambush of the shield. It's so very good this way, kiss you and just stand close to you. You are besides me, and you'll stay here because you have to be here to make me whole. You are Steve, I am Bucky, and we together are something indefinable. A whole soul forever. Probably this three words describe it the best. I love you. I think, at last I understood a few thing.

_The sun shines up outside, the sky caress everything with pure blueness, the water quivers in the puddles and the hearts quiver in the chests of the two man, on their lips are sweet kisses and in their soul are happiness; they smile at each other, then they walk onward._


End file.
